everyday i see you and still can't reach you. *
-instead of going to the bar all the time and drinking way too much and then not remembering everything but still knowing ive been a fool, ill be back at the gym.
-i do still need to understand that someone needs to play the fool and for reasons that i do not always believe it seems to be me, but that doesnt need to be true. if you think before you speak and dont just act on emotion, you can be who you want to be. i think lately its been my part too much and it is certainly my own doing.
-i am not an observer of my life.
i am sincerely sorry for the way i have treated you and hope that you can forgive me. **
i know that there are different people i write to through this and they may never know but through the change of my actions i hope they understand and believe that i know who i am, who i wish to be, and what i am capable of. i try and i have failed and i know that it happens, but i hope that i can fix that. i have a million memories and a lot of them are good and i dont want to lose that by becoming overly critical or cynical because of the wrongdoings.
-i hope someday you can look at me with the same love you once felt, even if it doesnt quite mean the same to you. you said there would always be a part of you that loved me and i hope that i havent destroyed that. ***
is there anything i can do to take a more active participation in the remedy of this situation?
what can i do to stop comparing and reliving?
why do memories sometimes seem more like a punishment than a gift...?****